The past year has been one of the most unusual years for video games. Its seen some of the worst game designs and some of the shoddiest programming as well as controversy ranging from false advertising to the usual rip off that many gamers of this generation have become used to.
Just like last year, our shit list holds nothing back. Expect this years doo doo list to spew out bucketloads of foul smelling, vomit inducing crap to ever come out of the anuses of some of the biggest money grubbing corporations this industry has ever seen. This flatulent list is in no order of merit. Shit, by any other name, is still shit.
GOD OF WAR: ASCENSION
Besides the boring multiplayer aspect, this game offered absolutely nothing new. It is time for Sony to lay old Kratos to rest. The man has killed everything and everyone. There's nothing left to destroy. We say, let the Spartan rest in peace.
ALIENS: COLONIAL MARINES.
Given the subject matter at hand, one would expect Gearbox to have put something interesting together. Unfortunately, all the gamers got was an unacceptable load of faeces. It played badly, graphics were pixelated and the FPS style was at best, myopic. The game was wrought with controversy and tarnished Gearbox's reputation.
BEYOND: TWO SOULS
As a Playstation 3 exclusive, one would expect a game of the highest standards but this predictable pile of tosh is about engaging and as exciting as breaking wind. Monotonous flatulence is not fashionable. Ellen Page may have gotten a starring role but she's no ball kicker here. Created more as a fantasy movie than a game, players were cheated into thinking it was a huge box office game changer that was at best, arse worthy.
CALL OF DUTY: GHOSTS
Just like a cockroach this undeniably boring series refuses to die. Game play was consistent with the old COD titles as all FPS go but the lack of originality and gameplay haunted players like a Hollywood blockbuster (haven't you seen this before?)
STAR TREK: THE GAME
This bug ridden crap fest proves, once and for all that people who don't know who to program are getting high paying jobs as programmers. All those involved should have been drowned at birth. Developed to ride on the success of the new movie franchise, you'd sincerely hoped it was the hope of the Klingons who messed up your day with this purchase.
FINAL FANTASY: ALL THE BRAVEST
This horrid, simplistic inexcusable piece of turd cake hid an outrageous micro transaction money grubber. And just like a putrid lump of shit, it should be immediately flushed down the toilet.
DEADPOOL
This one held much promise. Great marketing and a totally psychotic character. Imagine the potential. Sadly, they fucked it all up. Repetitive gameplay, horrendous design and just plain and simple boredom make this one a big dollop of ca ca.
DEAD SPACE 3
What once started as a innovative jump start to the dying Survival Horror genre slowly dissolved into a run of the mill third persons shooter. On top of that, the developers included online transaction where players could practically buy the ending. Sitting around the campfire with Mr. Taggart and the cowboys eating beans and farting all night is much better than getting this silly little piece of coding.
BATMAN: ARKHAM ORIGINS
The moment Warner Bros was said to be working on a new Dark Knight adventure instead of Rockstar, everyone knew it would be shit, and they were right. Arkham Origins has a smart enough premise about a younger vigilante crime fighter and lots of big name bad guys to boot, but it was just way too much to handle and what we end up with is a bland, boring mess of colon cannonballs.
THE WALKING DEAD: SURVIVAL INSTINCT
Telltale did one hell of a job with the successful episodic foray detailing the accounts of one of the most watched television shows. With that success they decided to up the ante and do something they had never done before, which was to make an FPS based on said TV series. But just like Indian curry kept overnight, this FPS seemed like a violently bad case of diarrhoea complete with incessant flatulence and a smell that would stink up the whole of Buckingham Palace for 35 to 45 minutes. Like the old saying goes. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
